Well - That didn't last too long did it?

Hi everyone!

I realise I have forgotten to blog again last week – sorry about that! So, what is there to talk about? A lot as usual.. Some things are good, others are well.. they are. Because sometimes that’s all there is, isn’t it? Things just are and you hang on as well as you can, waiting for the storm to pass. Sometimes you feel powerless, sometimes it simply sweeps around into pure despair. I’ve been there often enough, and I know there is still plenty of people out there who still go through that every time.

Whenever that happens to me, I always have, and I probably always will, turn to my own little safe world. For me, my safe world is stored away safely in my books, carefully laid out in my bookcase. Each book that I have read adds a little to that world, for better or for worse. That is why I chose to focus myself upon that world, as a field of employment later (I hope).

For a long time, I did what I thought I should do. My mother always said I should follow my heart, but she was just one voice amongst a hell of a lot more who told me to do what is smart. Go, become a teacher, you won’t be rich but at least you’ll always have a job. And so I went, and I tried. I tried for two years before I ran into myself. It hurt like hell when I had to admit I had allowed them to turn me into someone I was not, someone I would never want to be. The teacher, the good little grey mouse who never did anything out of the ordinary, never did much of anything at all. And then I realized.. that that was not who I was. Not who I was meant to be. And though admitting that is the hardest thing I have done in my life, immediately, I could breathe. And I slept like I hadn’t slept in a long, long time.

So.. quit one study.. look for another.. but what was I to choose? For so long, I had listened to my surroundings, always telling me to do the smart thing, the wise thing, even if it was boring as hell. Well no way I was going to do that again. So I took a bunch of tests online, and every single time it turned to cultural/historical studies. I love going to the theatre, but that’s just about it. I had absolutely no desire to work behind the scenes in theatres, so history was all that remained. I also decided I was not going to become a teacher… so that left the university.

Me? At university? I had always kind of sailed through the middle, not on the lowest level, but not high enough to get into university straight away either. Still, I had passed the first year of college, which was enough to get me into the university. And so I started, on university, studying history.. absolutely terrified. I knew no one, didn’t even know if I could handle the level required on university. In the Netherlands, there is quite a difference in the several levels of education. I was smart, but was I good and smart enough for university? Well, since I’m in my second year now, getting really good grades.. I’d say yes. I’ve grown so much over the past year and a half (wauw, I didn’t realize how short this actually is..), and things are only looking up. I feel better than I have in a long, long time.

The moral of the super long – and maybe boring story I have told here? Well, I suppose it is to show that no matter how long it takes, or no matter which road you take, somehow you’ll find what you want. And that doesn’t mean that it won’t be absolutely terrifying, but it does mean that you can follow your heart and it’ll probably lead you in the right direction. If there is anything I have learned over the past year and a half, it is always that you should follow your heart and dream big. Nothing was ever achieved with your hands in your pockets, staying on the safe side. Get out there, experience everything. The sun is always shining somewhere. take your place in the sun. you deserve it!

Until we read again

-xx- Brooke